The kind of stories I hear from my male friends about what they go through with ladies always crack me up. Most of the time, my thoughts are, “Can’t young ladies be a little creative with their lies?” That is not to suggest that I’m creative with my lies or will be when I find myself in their shoes. Very tight shoes those are, I must confess. So to you guys crushing on me, don’t worry, I tell no lies. Well… I… never mind. I’m not the main character of the story here.
So here goes….
I was in bed dreading work on Monday morning when my phone started ringing at 4am. Yes, frigging 4am! Clearly whoever was calling was the devil’s intern. Because why would any sane person call at 4am if he didn’t have witchcraft tendencies? I was so mad at myself for keeping my phone so close to my pillow. Sheesh! I had to pretend the phone was ringing in my dream to keep myself from waking up but no, it looked like the caller really wanted to be my alarm that morning. I woke up to find it was my friend so I picked up.
Him: “Are you sleeping?”
Me: “No, I’m on my farm harvesting my crops!”
What else should I be doing at 4am? Clearing traffic in the skies for the witches returning home?
He goes straight to why he called as if I wasn’t sounding sleepy enough.
He had called his girlfriend to find out where she was. She told him she was sleeping out at a hotel that night because she was bored and wanted to be away from her hostel. I immediately rose from whatever half sleep I was in and sat on my bed. “What? You believed that, young man?” I thought to myself.
Of course he did. To the point that when she is bored and wants to be away from her hostel, his house and him are not even enough to cheer her up? Okay, okay young man.
Then she picked up a fight from nowhere and hang up on him. At this point I could not control my laughter but I had to listen to the whole story so I shut it.
Young man went out with his friends and thought about what his girlfriend had told him over the phone. The whole night out, he was in deep thought. He called his girl from time to time to apologize, in a quest to get things back to normal. Obviously she was still mad at him for reasons only known to her. On his way back home around 3:45am, he decided to swing by her hostel because his thoughts were still not clear on what had happened. Young detective had to work based on his instincts now. Young man walking around at dawn like he is a single-spine earning policeman. Hmm.
He got to the hostel, parked outside instead of driving in like he always does. With his chest held high, he walked in so no one would notice he was around.
He got to the door and the key to the room was in the key hole outside. Okay so he thought, maybe, just maybe she left her key with a friend who shared a room with others but wanted to get her ‘jiggy on’ tonight. I had to talk now because he seemed to be drowned in love and needed to be slapped back to reality. So I said “Probably she has given one of her room keys to someone who comes to visit her at dawn for dawn prayers.” Now I could not control my laughter anymore. Young man! Wake up! Even I was sleeping and I am wide awake now!
So he goes on… He stood there for close to thirty minutes and finally decided to open the door. Right in front of him was his girlfriend. The girl who was mad at him. The girl who said she was not in her hostel but was in hotel room. There she was under a young man moaning and sweating her supposed anger away. My friend almost cried considering how he trusted her. The man who was enjoying the fruit of someone’s labour got dressed and vanished in a matter of seconds. Now our girlfriend. She leaped out of her bed, wore her skirt and what came out of her mouth was “It was a sex scene from a movie on the television”. All this while she was fixing the television.
At this point I could not control my laughter anymore. Young man! You were there listening to all this? This? Looks like it. A scene from a movie without a crew and directors around? The movie was being shot by spirits?
He told her to leave him alone and continue whatever he had started with the young man. He walked to his car and drove off leaving her in tears. She has been calling and sending messages about how she will grow to be a better person for him. Now I have to think of what to do about all this since it won’t be long before she contacts me to beg him for her. But I have to be on the fence till I fall, Humpty Dumpty style.
Moral of the story?
Never get yourself into a relationship if you are not funny enough to cheer her up with your magic wand at dawn.
I’m not a chef but I LOVE cooking and experimenting with ingredients. Listen! If I tell you this is rice water with some one two one two add ons baked in the oven eh, you wouldn’t believe me but it is. It tastes so good, you’d want to bake your rice water always *My Ghanaian family understand*.
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